Thursday, February 16, 2006

Slough of Despond

I am living in a pigsty and it's giving me a heart attack!

Or at least, like, a conniption.

I was up 'til 5 am Sunday and Monday working on my latest freelance project - in criminal justice ethics, which I have no experience in, but which I've been able to teach myself in a jiffy - and which, of course, I procrastinated until the last possible minute because I was beset by the demons of writer's block and fear of criticism, as usual.

Stayed up Tuesday way too late ironing ALL of Andy's shirts. Happy Valentines Day!

And I worked at the theatre on Wednesday. Home 11:30.

And the Olympics are keeping me up all hours of the night because they save the last skater 'til 11:30! And I can't miss Project Runway!

So there's the no sleeping, and the no time, and suddenly the house is completely wrecked. And I feel totally overwhelmed and panicky. I should be doing the lunch dishes right now. The mountain of the kids' laundry is, like, of LUDICROUS proportions. They should transport it immediately to Torino and use it for alpine events. The kitchen table is covered in toys from Christmas, waiting to be moved downstairs, plus the brand new giant bags of Valentines-mas presents from Andy's mom, and there's no place to put all those, nor enough time to consume all of the Twizzlers and cheetos and gummy worms that are overflowing the goodie basket on top of the fridge. The coffee table is absolutely overflowing with books. There is kid detritus everywhere I look, because no one in this family puts things back where they go, except for me. There are little Dove dark chocolate heart wrappers balled up all around the house, turning into dust bunnies in corners, because Spooky really likes to chase them, for approximately 3.8 seconds. Simon keeps leaving hats everywhere. The kitchen floor is inexplicably sticky. I can't remember the last time I washed anyone's sheets. I keep finding Ethan's Star Wars Clone Wars graphic novels stacked up in the oddest places. Andy's socks are breeding and setting up housekeeping under chairs and tables. And Charlotte threw my favorite skirt in the toilet.

And I haven't had any time for blogging, and sorting through my psyche. Plus, I miss my blog friends!

There is a pizza box on the kitchen counter from 2 days ago. With pizza still in it. Oh god. I'm like a frat boy. Or a hoarder.

I'm getting hopelessly left in the dust!

Geez, and my mom is coming to stay with the kids tomorrow while I rehearse with the organist to sing at the World Day of Prayer service coming up that mom always helps to organize*. I've got to sing eleventy-seven freaking songs all by myself, including The Lord's Prayer, which goes how high, again? I need an emergency voice lesson, stat!

If I don't get the house cleaned up, I'll totally be hearing about it. Mom will give the place a silent once over, and make that little... sigh. And, dear god, she'd be RIGHT!

Does anyone have a paper bag I can breathe into?

I can't believe I am living like this, sometimes. There is no way to catch up. It's so distressing! I've got to pick up the school carpool and then have a conference call with the freelance people. What the hell am I making for dinner? Then I have to drive the choir carpool, so I won't have any time later, either. Oh, and Ethan's backpack is broken, so somehow I've got to find the time to get him a new one.


And I'm out of Excedrin Migraine.


* Funny story. Last time I did this service, on my final solo, I was getting a little cocky and dramatic because it was going so well, and I had all the dear senior citizen churchgoers in my thrall, and so on the very last note, I raised my hands up in unison, in a sort of American-Idol-glory-note sort of way, but the aged throng misunderstood, and they TOTALLY ALL STOOD UP! Because that was how much POWER I had! Bwah! The minister was a bit flummoxed, and had to figure out a suave way of telling them all to sit down, without causing them to realize that they'd been duped by my songstress prowess into doing my unconscious bidding (stand up and recognize, seniors!), so he smoothly inserted a prayer into the service and then asked them all to be seated for the final homily. Heh. That was totally awesome.


Blogger Tracy Lynn said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

12:47 PM  
Blogger Tracy Lynn said...


12:49 PM  
Blogger Candace said...

Did you see PR last night??? Can I bitch about it yet??

1:14 PM  
Blogger grudge girl said...

TL- HAAAAA!!! Hee hee!

C-Bitch away, chica. You'll be preaching to the choir. I haven't been right ever since Nick got jacked. I lurve him so much! He's up there in my gay pantheon with Austin Scarlett and Johnny Weir.

Stupid freaking Santino!

have you seen their fashion week collections on Blogging Project Runway? I actually really liked Kara's decoy collection.

3:00 PM  
Blogger Candace said...

NO! I haven't even been LOOKING at that blog! I'll head over there in a minute. Last night just wasn't the same without Nick. He was so sweet and wonderful and talented. I hate Santino. I mean really, I loathe him.

3:26 PM  
Blogger Tracy Lynn said...

I still maintain that Santino is like the evil killer in a 70's slasher movie- you know, no matter how often the co-eds beat on him, he just keeps popping up and slashing away.
I loathe him.

5:40 PM  
Blogger Daisy Mae said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one with a "lived in" house these days. I was shocked to realize today that I still haven't put away several of the christmas presents or any of my many christmas sweaters. It will be July before I get them put away at this speed.

8:13 PM  
Anonymous ozma said...

My house is pretty much the same as you described. Perhaps I'll post a picture sometime.

I find that it helps to take a deep breath. And forgive and accept yourself. And be like 'oh mom, whatever, I'm busy.' I find this much easier than actually cleaning the house.

10:02 PM  
Anonymous Beverlee said...

Oh I hear ya! Oh I hear you sistah!I am with you! I recently realized how much of MY ONE AND ONLY LIFE was spent around the state of the house. I don't think that this is part of God's plan for me. And I know that my gifts do not lie there. I have decided to have someone come in and clean the house for me once a week hopefully by March. Lately I began thinking of it as something that I could do for myself that will help me grow as a person. What is waiting around the corner from all that darn housework. I can't wait to find out!

9:14 PM  
Anonymous Erica said...

I am SO HAPPY that I am not alone in the detritus and crap and dust bunnies and embarassment. I keep throwing things into closets and shutting the door as fast as I can, but it's just not WORKING anymore. And not only does no one else around here want to pick up, they are also unwilling to throw anything out, which means the clutter increases exponentially, like rabbits in springtime. If only we could send them all away for a week and just...get things back to a manageable level.

So, this year, when you bring the seniors to their feet, you should totally have the kids ready and waiting with collection baskets. Just think of the potential profits!

10:48 AM  
Anonymous roo said...

Well, after reading this post, I turned to my husband and said, "Uh, honey, I think I just found us on the Internet, after we have kids."

I read your post out loud, and though he only grunted I swear he thought it was eerie too.

Also-- I used to work with Austin Scarlett, back in the day. And yes, his hair is always fabulous.He claims it looks like that when he rolls out of bed in the morning, and I think I believe him.

9:44 PM  
Blogger Tracy Lynn said...

Dude, why does your weather pixie cat ocassionally disappear? Is she with you?

9:54 AM  
Anonymous Angela said...

As long as Dan wins PR I will be satisfied. I loved the orchid inspired dress he created.

You sound very stressed and while reading it I felt stressed for you. Perhaps there will be a way to get everyone to work together for a few hours and help you get stuff done. Hey, they have arms and legs as well right? You are not living there alone.

Good luck I hope you are able to relax soon. :o)

12:05 PM  

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