Monday, March 06, 2006


Sorry to worry y'all.

I've got to take a short hiatus while I finish my current freelance project. It's consuming my life. I'm actually considering getting some medication for my performance-related anxiety. It's so bad, I haven't been able to get near the computer without shaking and nausea. Can't check my email, can't look at my blog, can't type a lick. It's ridiculous, and embarrassing, and I feel horribly guilty to have neglected my online friends. Which just creates this heinous cycle, wherein I hate myself and beat myself up, and do lots of household chores I've neglected until just this moment because I can't go near the computer to do anything, even the stuff I love. I suck.

Side note: Ethan left for France on Saturday (EVERYTHING converged in this past week - I did the singing gig as well) and arrived safe and sound after something like 17 hours of travel (including the 3 hour layover in Detroit, and the 2 1/2 hour bus ride from Paris to the town where he's staying). He's with a family with 3 daughters (perfect for him), and has written me emails like "I'M HAVING A GREAT TIME!!!!! I MISS YOU BUT THAT WON'T STOP ME FROM HAVING THE GREATEST TIME!!!" and "I LOVE IT HERE SO MUCH I COULD STAY A YEAR!!!!" and, most hilariously, secretly written in white, so that I had to highlight over it to read it, the following super-classified phrase pertaining to the oldest daughter, who is 12 1/2 (oooh, older) "SHE IS SO PRETTY I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO STAY HERE WITH HER." My son. Sticking with time-honored tradition and falling into a first crush in FRANCE! He'll be back on the 17th. I expect great changes.

So, to wrap up... I've had a mini-breakdown and need to hiate myself (did I just make up a verb?) until I've done what I need to do. It's a daily struggle and I feel weird about considering the medication thing but I've got to do something for the crushing anxiety, the fall-out from which affects everyone in the family, not just me.

Wish me luck.


Blogger yucaree said...

dear dear GG, you must never feel guilty about not posting to your blog. we, your loyal readers, are much more concerned that you aren't working yourself into an anxious state of mental craziness! although, i must admit, i've missed your posts -- but don't let that add to your already massive to-do list. you already have too much to worry about, so just do what you need to do. we'll be waiting.

i'm just sorry to hear that your freelance work is stressing you out so much. i wish i could do something to help you but i am a horrid writer, a failed teacher, and know nothing about ethics.

*however* i did send you a real letter (sorry to ruin the surprise) which i hope will give you a few minutes of reprieve from your project.

i am so jealous of ethan's trip to france. if i had an experience like that when i was young i probably would be a totally different person today. (i guess i can't complain too much, though, since i spent every summer in japan until i was a sophomore in high school.)

and how cute is he to hide a secret message about his crush in his email to you?! i could only wish ian would do something like that for me when he's older. lucky you for having a sweetie son!

1:25 PM  
Anonymous Erica said...

Wishing you buckets and buckets of luck, my dear -- and there's no such thing as letting us down. All we care about is that you do whatever you need to -- medication, chocolate, hiatus -- to make life good again.

6:43 PM  
Anonymous ozma said...

Yeah, I was trying to stay off and couldn't so good for you.

I have a similar problem. As do most people I know who have to write a lot. I recommend these things: Calms Forte; 'Stress' homeopathic pills by boiron; passionflower caps; accupuncture and any herbs the accupuncturist will give you; Klonipin; hot baths; mediation; yoga; huge amounts exercise; self-hypnosis; drugs of all kinds.

There are some others but I can't remember them all. There are crutches and I hope you find a good one. Klonipin by itself will work too. As will lots of anti-depressants/anti-anxiety drugs. Paxil is kind of a bad one so you might want to avoid it.

I hope it gets easier and better. I'll be sending you good writing vibes.

9:57 PM  
Blogger Daisy Mae said...

Hang in there, stress gets the better of us all from time to time. You'll get through it. If I can help in any way give me a shout!

5:56 AM  
Blogger Candace said...

Wow. Ethan is one lucky kid. If my parents had been half as awesome as you...I'd probably rule the world by now.

Hang in there; if medication is the answer, do it. Anxiety SUCKS.

7:03 AM  
Blogger Tracy Lynn said...

Dude, we are all rooting for you. And if meds are the answer, then do it.
No shame in getting help.

8:39 AM  
Anonymous Beverlee said...

It'll get better.

7:39 PM  

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