Monday, December 05, 2005

Reverie


I stepped out into the silent chill, and froze. The world was winter still, and breathless. I listened to the rustling of the ice-covered branches, and I thought I might never move. Winter, at night, brings me to myself. I felt this as I moved slowly to my car, and when I turned on the radio, there was something fragile and delicate and lovely and unutterably sad, with harp and piano and strings and flute, and as I drove in my cocoon across the empty highways, I thought how my bones felt in my skin, and how I am not enough to fill them. Or am I too much? And the music on the radio is like the music my soul makes as it whispers to my bones, like the ice on the branches. This winter soul is my solitude, the part of me only I know. The girls I never was. Or, was, and might have been, but am not. Is my life like I thought it would be? More. And less. The ballerina. The pianist. The singer. The child who tiptoed through my grandparents' house, talking to my dead grandfather, fingering his books, his jackets, eyeing his spirit, present in the mirror. The mermaid. The writer. The witch. And the music on the radio tells me of the poignancy of ice and bone, soul and branch, and my heart cannot bear it. My sleeping neighborhood, those sleeping ladies in the sleeping little houses, my sleeping soul. The black branches against the dove grey sky. So lovely, so rare, so dangerous, always and forever coming back to remind me, like winter, of me.

9 Comments:

Blogger Marti said...

beautiful! You almost made me LIKE winter. :)

*turns up the thermostat to 85 degrees*

almost... :)

6:21 AM  
Blogger Tracy Lynn said...

That was so amazing and lovely. A beautiful way to begin my day.
And I feel that way about winter night's, too...but have never expressed it so well.

6:22 AM  
Blogger yucaree said...

it brought me back to the days when i actually experienced winter ... it's been many years since then, but i do distinctly remember walking in the cold nights, alone and just thinking.

you are a natural writer -- beautiful!

2:55 PM  
Anonymous Erica said...

That's really lovely -- what an astonishing portrait of winter and you.

7:20 AM  
Blogger Candace said...

Wow. That was amazing.

3:42 PM  
Blogger PRESTOWN said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

11:07 AM  
Blogger PRESTOWN said...

Wow, you reminded me of the winter I NEVER HAVE. Texas is so... well it has no winter. That was very beautiful, and inspiring.

Enjoy the winter that you have,
Preslee

11:08 AM  
Anonymous ozma said...

I hate winter but I grew up in a warm climate so to me winter is a time when you don't sweat quite so much.

Your reverie really evoked such memories for me--yes, the grandparents house brings me back to childhood the most and I did have many imagined occupations as a child--witch, space alien, movie star, Skipper and Mary Ann. The thing is--I haven't changed all that much! It's all still in there...

7:56 PM  
Blogger Tracy Lynn said...

Dude, why does your pixie wear that awesome vintage coat and mine just sluts around in a sweater set? It's FREEZING!

11:28 AM  

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