Wednesday, October 19, 2005


For those of you who've been wondering about Luka, she's not Luka.

I took your advice (thank you so much for your intelligent replies, by the way), and spoke to the director of the school, just voicing my concerns (luckily she's someone I'm friendly with, and have known for a long time, so I was able to speak with her in an informal sort of way) and what led me to my suspicions.

I was so off.

Luka has breast cancer. She is having a mastectomy this week. It's not common knowledge, and she, for reasons I certainly would never quibble with, didn't share her medical trauma with me. We're only playdate-mom-friendly; not best-friend-friendly, you know?

That's why the dad was weird with me. He wasn't sure what I knew, and (respecting his wife's privacy) didn't want to overshare if I was clueless. It also explains his being around all the time, and preoccupied, and his shepherding hand on her back. And why she's lost a lot of weight recently. And has seemed oddly distracted. And why my something-isn't-right-here radar was bleeping so loudly.

And why the little girl hasn't been in school. She's too freaked out by everything her mom is going through, and wants to be with her all the time.

I'm so glad I was tactful and restrained. Let this be a lesson to all of us to proceed with caution. When you're working a puzzle, the picture doesn't always turn out like you thought, does it?

I am happy to have been wrong, though I am concerned for her on an entirely different level now. I hope everything works out for them. That's serious business.

It's weird to know that someone you only know casually is going through something so upsetting. I don't know them well enough to be of any comfort, or to matter in the slightest. But I will be saying some non-institutionalized-religion prayers anyway. Because, like any English major worth her salt, I believe in the power of the word to affect reality.


Blogger yucaree said...

well, i'm glad to hear that there's no abuse going on, but it's also very sad to hear that she's dealing with cancer (and at such a young age). i hope that she stays strong mentally and physically to get through this, especially for her family. i will also be saying non-religious prayers for her.

you dealt with a difficult and sensitive issue in a very tactful way. it was definitely good that you talked to the preschool director. i know how awkward it can be to hear bad news like that from a third party, but sometimes it's better that way. i know a wonderful woman pretty casually who also has breast cancer. i heard the news from a mutual friend who warned me that she didn't want to hear "i'm so sorry" and pity and all that, which was probably what i would've said had i heard it directly from this woman. at least now you know how the family is dealing with it and you don't accidently put your foot in your mouth.

3:33 PM  
Blogger Tracy Lynn said...

Well done-I too think you handled this very well.It's a hard situation, no matter how you look at it.
I also know that sometimes, when someone is ill, what they appreciate most is whatever normalcy you can provide. I, personally, am so tired of talking about my kidneys that it is a relief to be with someone who doesn't know.

4:38 AM  
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