Just call me sexy giiiiiiiiiirlfriennnnnnnd!

So I'm apparently Dr. Ruth Westheimer now. Or that other old lady on WE, or Oxygen, or whatever, with her sex show and her little dolls.

At work tonight, Nasir, an extremely beautiful 17 year old Pakistani boy whom I adore, asked me if he could ask me something. And he was all secretive and stuff. And wouldn't talk to me with anyone else around. So finally no one's around and he tells me that he had sex with his virgin girlfriend, and he was apparently (ahem) too big (I know! You should see his feet! He's like a lab puppy!) and she experienced pain, and he was wondering about how long this sort of thing would continue, and what he could do to help her.

...

Now, the part of me that wishes fervently that I were still attractive to 17 year old boys sort of thought for a minute that he might be telling me this as some sort of... I don't know... provocation? But it was clear to the rational adult part of me that he had concerns, and I seemed to him like someone who (1) would have abundant and helpful knowledge in this area and (2) he could talk to honestly and openly. Which is flattering and nice. But not as nice as being flirted with. Which he does, and I have to say I enjoy the winks and sly grins, but now I see clearly that he's just been humoring the old lady. Tossing me a bone, but not, if you catch my drift, and I think that you do.

So I squelched my wounded vanity and embraced my camp counselor role, and offered some tips and caring advice, and he seemed pleased and grateful. (Not as grateful as she'll be, I'll wager!)

Ah, adulthood. Sometimes it's annoying.

But, you know, tonight the house manager found a couple of kids getting busy in a van in the theatre's mammoth parking lot, and, like, who hasn't been there? Hot, but also crowded and lame. So sometimes adulthood has its advantages. Like, for example, I totally came home and majorly jumped my husband, NOT in a van, NOT in a parking lot, and NOT with pain and the ineptitude of youth. 'Cause old girl knows what she's doing, and we've got this DOWN, and what do you know... All is right with the world. Hoo-ah!